my boss, gulavadee, wants me to ask out with every girl that i work with, whether or not i want to. so one time gulavadee tells me to ask out this girl who had only been working for a few days. but then the girl stopped showing up for work without calling or anything. obviously gulavadee was not happy with her and told me that i shouldn’t ask her out anymore. gulavadee told me that the girl was irresponsible and, in all seriousness, said that i shouldn’t date her because she would let my kids die.
i guess only time will tell.
“revenge is a dish best served cold.”
~ dr. victor freeze
in the 16th century, montezuma was known by all of his aztec subjects as their great ruler. historically, he is famous for his associations with the spanish conquistador cortes and the spaniard’s subsequent takeover of the aztec empire. but today he is relevant for one thing: diarrhea. montezuma’s revenge [not to be confused with the montezooma’s revenge ride at knott’s berry farm] may not kill anyone, but it sure is an inconvenience. i went to mexico in september 2007 and i may or may not have contracted montezuma’s revenge and it may or may not have been the worst illness i’ve ever experienced in my life. i may or may not have taken 5 showers a day and i may or may not have been afraid to ride a bike for a month. all i can say is, montezuma sure can hold a grudge.
remember when in ‘an officer and a gentlemen’ louis gossett jr won an oscar because he told his recruits that ‘they’re only steers and queers in texas, and i don’t see any horns on you’? well, i would’ve said back that i don’t see any horns on you. burn!
but then maybe he would’ve responded with ‘i guess by saying that you’re conceding that you’re a queer.’ to which i would’ve said, ‘no, that’s your saying that you believe in, not mine. you can’t hold me to that if i don’t believe in it. but i can hold you to it because you DO believe it. queer.’ then i would’ve got a boot to the face and that would’ve been that.
while i was at working at the restaurant today, a kid threw up into a curry bowl. so which of the following did it make me?
a) gag
b) mad
c) laugh
d) hungry
and the correct answer is.. c) laugh. though i guess i was hungry, because i ate thirty minutes later. and for some reason i chose to eat curry. i have no idea why. it’s not like i wanted to pretend i was eating vomit or anything, because that is so two thousand late, and i’m three thousand eight.
i am prone to bad decisions. sometimes i realize i am making a bad decision, and sometimes i don’t realize that i made a bad decision until well after the fact.
two years ago, i was balding. as any 25 year-old in that situation, i panicked. i do not want to lose my hair, and i certainly did not want to be bald as a 25 year-old. and the thing i’ve learned about balding is that it’s a curse that keeps on cursing [much like jonah hill]. stress is a big factor in balding, and the more you worry about balding, the balder you get. it’s terrible. so what did i do? i decided to not a get a haircut until i was completely bald. looking back, i suppose i was not very rational in selecting a solution for balding. but i thought that by having long hair, it would disguise my receding hairline. also, i’ve always enjoyed having long hair because when i rode my bike really fast, i could feel the wind rip through my hair. it seriously is one of the best feelings in the world.
so what caused my baldness? to this day, i believe i was balding because i made a joke about bald people in sunday school. the teacher asked how we could tell if someone was mature, and i said male pattern baldness, which received a hearty response. but then a guy with a horseshoe turned around and jokingly said something like be careful now. i felt a little bad, but not really. anyway, shortly thereafter i started losing hair and my hairline started receding. the lesson is, as always, never answer questions in church or you will go bald.
at any rate, i didn’t cut my hair for eight months, at which point i decided to cut it because i had just moved to tennessee and would soon be applying for a job. [yes, even tennessee has standards for their work employees. barely.] so right around the time when i cut hair, i stopped balding. and that is how i cured my baldness. by getting a haircut.
so why all the baldness talk right now? because i think i’m balding again. uh oh, spaghetti-o.
i work in a thai restaurant called the thai kitchen. [although it is called the thai kitchen, it is somewhat of a misnomer. there are tables and a dining area and sich. um, such.] and i have a boss named gulavadee. she is the nicest boss ever and she is the one pictured. say hi gulavadee! oops, looks like she was busy watering plants. my badness. anyway, i find working with gulavadee very funny. when she prays, she talks about thai spirit and thai love. and for a long time, i had no idea what thai spirit and thai love were. but then one day i figured out that she had been saying thy spirit and thy love this whole time. and did i feel sheepish after that. so yeah, that’s gulavadee.
