when things go bald
two years ago, i was balding. as any 25 year-old in that situation, i panicked. i do not want to lose my hair, and i certainly did not want to be bald as a 25 year-old. and the thing i’ve learned about balding is that it’s a curse that keeps on cursing [much like jonah hill]. stress is a big factor in balding, and the more you worry about balding, the balder you get. it’s terrible. so what did i do? i decided to not a get a haircut until i was completely bald. looking back, i suppose i was not very rational in selecting a solution for balding. but i thought that by having long hair, it would disguise my receding hairline. also, i’ve always enjoyed having long hair because when i rode my bike really fast, i could feel the wind rip through my hair. it seriously is one of the best feelings in the world.
so what caused my baldness? to this day, i believe i was balding because i made a joke about bald people in sunday school. the teacher asked how we could tell if someone was mature, and i said male pattern baldness, which received a hearty response. but then a guy with a horseshoe turned around and jokingly said something like be careful now. i felt a little bad, but not really. anyway, shortly thereafter i started losing hair and my hairline started receding. the lesson is, as always, never answer questions in church or you will go bald.
at any rate, i didn’t cut my hair for eight months, at which point i decided to cut it because i had just moved to tennessee and would soon be applying for a job. [yes, even tennessee has standards for their work employees. barely.] so right around the time when i cut hair, i stopped balding. and that is how i cured my baldness. by getting a haircut.
so why all the baldness talk right now? because i think i’m balding again. uh oh, spaghetti-o.
